Spanking anyone? #TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@mamaD8)

 

Happy Tuesday, lovely peeps, Doris here with today’s Tuesday Thoughts.

I’m talking spankings today, and I know what you’re going to say.  Well, that’s boring, Doris. We all know what a spanking is. But, do you really?

Female butt with spanking mark

For a long time spankings for me were associated with a painful childhood. I was a willful child, and as I was brought up by my Gran, who was very old school discipline, I got a lot of over the knee spankings, which left my bum sore.

There was also the tea towel whip and let’s not forget the slipper. Last and by far the worst the fly swatter and the carpet beater, for when I had been really naughty.

I make her sound like a monster, but she wasn’t. Far from it. I did need a lot of discipline, and while I may not agree with her methods, as an adult I know they were done in love to correct my behaviour. And, believing me, it did need correcting.

Fast forward a few years, quite a few years, too many to own up to, and the first book I read that had an erotic spanking scene. Yeah, I might have muttered to myself under my breath, saying,” No way would I ever enjoy that.”

Hah, you know that saying never say never. Fast forward a little more and Hubby brought up the subject of spanking. He’s an arse man, always has been, and the amount of times I got a playful swat on my behind since he met me are too numerous to mention, lol.

A proper spanking, however, yeah…

Well, we did, of course eventually work up to that, and no one was more surprised than me when I enjoyed it. Sometimes I need a good spanking, to simply put, let go and get my overactive mind to shut up.

So, yeah, that’s my story on spanking. Everyone will have a different one. Like I said before, we are all individuals and my kink may not be your kink.

Depositphotos_11222787_s-2015

Incidentally by far my most favourite implement is the flogger. I hit subspace very fast and I never want him to stop a flogging, lol.

I did find this very informative series of pictures on the various different spankings on Tumblr, so I have shamelessly nicked it to share it with you all.

And, yes, I’m aware there is typo in the first picture, but ignore that and read on. 🙂

 

spankspank 1

spank 2 jpg

tumblr_o34tkxDRPx1v7v025o2_540

 

spank 4

spank 6

scale

layersspank

spank 9

aftercare

 

 

queenofthedamned-dulcinafaerydae:

http://asibdsm.com/

https://www.facebook.com/ASI.BDSM/photos_stream

http://arkham-insanity.deviantart.com/

A little information on spanking

 

That’s all from me today 🙂

Do stay naughty, folks!

D xxx

 

Dominant not domineering…#TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@MamaD8)

Hello lovely peeps, Doris here with more of her Tuesday Thoughts on all things Domly this time, so gather close. I may or may not be ranting a little, too. You have been warned.

This post ties in quite nicely with my thoughts on how to write Alphas, not arseholes and my first post on BDSM. Check them out, if you’ve missed them. 🙂

 

bdsm pic

The dictionary defines a Dominant thus:

dominant

ˈdɒmɪnənt/

adjective

  1. 1.

having power and influence over others.

“they are now in an even more dominant position in the market”

synonyms: presiding, ruling, governing, controlling, commandingascendant,supremeauthoritative, most influential, most powerful, superior;More

 

Even in that definition, it doesn’t state domineering, however.

A true Dominant is certainly not domineering. That would make him an arse at best and up for an assault charge at worst.

Dominance is something that you either have or you haven’t and in a true Dominant it will be an innate part of them as are the breaths they need to take to survive. By that very definition their dominance does not confine itself to mere sexual activities.

Put in simple terms, you will know if you are in the presence of a Dom. You will certainly know that it if you’re a submissive. It might not be obvious to anyone else, but there is a certain something, if you will, that will make your inner sub sigh.

It could be a look, one quirk of an eyebrow, that quiet command that raises the fine hair on your neck, that smile… Whatever it is, you will be in no doubt as to who is in charge. However, no true Dominant would ever just try to exert their dominance on you. That is not their right. Submission is earned, trust takes time, and negotiation is the key.

In real life Dominants will make mistakes, they will piss you off, and annoy you as much as the next man. They are human, after all. What they will do, or should do, however, is take care of you. A Dom’s first duty is the welfare of his/her submissive, and is one they take seriously.

On that note nothing pisses me off faster than when I read a story, where the Dominant gives no after care. Well, hell no!

Any scene, no matter how big or small, has the potential to trigger, and after care is essential for everyone’s sake. The Doms as much as the subs I would say. Entering the head space needed for a scene can take a lot out of those domly types, and, you know, they have limits too.

Not every Dom and sub will be a good fit. Not every Dom will be able to meet that particular need, whatever that might be. And that’s okay. That’s where negotiation comes in.

There are as many different Doms out there as there are submissives.

There are Daddy Doms, Riggers, Sadists in all their various forms, from a purely sensual Sadist to one who needs to see their sub covered in blood. Those who like to humiliate, those who need total control over every aspect of their slave’s life, and those who simply confine those needs to the bedroom. And of course those who can switch between being a top and a bottom.

Dominants walk in all areas of life. You don’t need a big bank balance to be a Dom, though, in fiction, at least, that tends to go hand in hand.  Also, contrary to what some authors might make you believe, not every member of the FBI or the armed forces is a Dom.

*said very firmly with my tongue in my cheek*

bdsm pic 1

 

You get the idea. Keep it real, do your research and paint the whole man, not just the idea of the perfect Dom, ‘cause, ya know, they don’t exist in real life. Only fiction.

That’s all from me today.

Do stay naughty, folks

 

D xx

Submission is… #TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@MamaD8)

Hello lovely peeps, Doris here with Tuesday Thoughts and my next instalment on writing BDSM.

Now, listen up, peeps and listen well.

Submissive does not equal doormat!

c94152b318ac126fe2ded1461d8c9a9f

Source Pinterest

 

I chose that picture on purpose, because it shows a male submissive, and puts the point across quite nicely, if you ask me.

Too many times are submissives, male or female, portrayed as weak-willed, easily led people, who let some narcissistic a-hole run roughshod over them.

For the record, that’s not submission, that’s abuse. Perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising, because when you look up the meaning of submissive in the dictionary this is the definition you find:

submissive
səbˈmɪsɪv/
adjective
  1. ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.
    “a submissive, almost sheeplike people”

 

Hmm, that’s certainly not the way I would describe myself, nor would anyone who knows me. I most definitely know my own mind and know how to assert myself, thank you very much.

Cross me and mine and you’ll know about it. Let’s just leave it at that.

*smiles*

The same could be said for the heroines I write. They tend to be strong women, who choose to give their submission to the man or men in their lives. Note the word, choose. No one can take your submission, or force it from you, and it irks me greatly when authors resort to stereotypes when they write submissives.

We are all different, and not one shoe fits all. There are those subs who need to serve, those that need a total power exchange, those that are littles, those that are only submissive in the bedroom, to name but a few variations, and heaven forbid, those who are switches.

Yes, they do exist, and it doesn’t mean that they are any less submissive than the next person.

What we all have in common is that inbuilt need to please, to be needed, to know that in that moment, when you hand over your body, mind, and soul to your chosen Dominant, there is freedom and immense power to be found in that act.

True submission comes from deep within, and it takes immense strength and courage to let yourself go, to fly in the face of convention, and what society expects of you, and to quieten your mind. Sometimes I almost think, submission has become a dirty word. That you are somehow less of a woman, because you allow a man to lord it over you.

I would say the opposite is true. In a true Dom/sub relationship, the submissive always has the power. Negotiation is the key, and no true Dominant would dream of violating a prenegotiated hard limit, and when the submissive safe words out, that’s it. Everything stops, and if appropriate, play will restart or not, after some frank discussion about why the submissive felt the need to safe word.

I will hold my hand up here, and say that I have yet to use my personal safe word. That is mainly due to Hubby in Sir mode knowing my limits better than I know them myself.

This hasn’t happened overnight, but is the result of us having been together for the last twenty-eight years. We know each other inside out. 🙂

So, again, it irks me, when so-called feminists will claim that I’m letting the side down by choosing to be my husband’s sub. That any woman has to be hard nosed, and that men should never, ever tell a woman what to do, and if she chooses to let her man do that… you get it by now, I’m sure.

Last time I looked feminism was about giving women choices, was it not?

So, next time you’re thinking of writing a submissive, bear that in mind. By all means, if it fits your heroine to be a dizzy blonde (stereotyping on purpose here) wo lurches from one disaster to another, and waits for the big bad Alpha Dom to rescue her from her own self, then write it.

I dare say we all do know women who act like that. But, don’t make that your go to model for writing a submissive, because the reality is much more diverse than that. And know, that I, for one will not be reading it. I prefer the women I read about to be strong individuals, who can hold their own, yet still hold onto that tender part of themselves that only the right man can bring out of them.

Every relationship, be that vanilla or kinky, will be different. It will go through ups and downs, and your writing will be stronger for it, if you portray those variations.

Yes, give your readers the fantasy, but hold onto some realism too.

That’s all from me today.

Do stay naughty, folks,

 

D xxx

How to write BDSM #TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@MamaD8)

Happy Tuesday, peeps. Are you ready for some serious Tuesday Thoughts? Yep, cause this is a serious subject and as a collared submissive myself, a subject very dear to my heart.

 

Couple domination and sex games

Mainly the amount of so called BDSM books out there, which are anything but.

At best they are so farfetched, that you just have to laugh at them. At their worst, they seem to tick all the boxes and then end up doing something far from safe sane and consensual as you can get.

My editor at Evernight always comments on my BDSM stories along the lines of, “At last… I never read anyone making that distinction…”

While those comments make me grin, they also make me sad.

It is not that hard to get it right, it really isn’t. You don’t have to be in the lifestyle to write it, but you DO need to do your research. And do the correct kind of research. Ask someone who is actually in the lifestyle to beta read your work.

Leave your ego at the door, and take their advice, and for goodness sakes, if you’re going to write BDSM, then do it, because you’re at least curious about it. Not, because you’ve heard it sells, and you want to jump on that particular band wagon.

Yes, believe me, there are authors out there, who have done just that.

*shakes head*

Having got that little rant of my chest, lol, let’s get to the nitty gritty of it. I’m going to start with the basics, and I’m shamelessly nicking this off Tymber Dalton, as it sums it up beautifully.

Ready?

Okay, because there is a LOT of bad advice out there, I’m giving you the “TRUE” rules for BDSM… ready?

 

Safety Note: By “rules” I’m not talking safety issues (bio-hazard precautions for needle play, safety issues for fire/wax play, strangulation/drop hazards for suspension play, no handcuffs for suspension, where/how to use implements as not to cause serious injury, etc.).

 

Rule One: Everyone involved in the play MUST be a CONSENTING adult. If their consent withdraws during play, play STOPS.

 

Rule Two: No one must be HARMED (physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally) by the play. (Hurt and harmed are two different things. They might WANT to be hurt. Harmed is lasting damage beyond the play.)

 

Rule Three: Everyone must either be having fun and/or getting what they need from the play.

 

 

That’s IT. That’s ALL there is to it. Seriously.

 

If anyone tells you you’re doing something “wrong” and it’s not a safety issue, tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re not an unsuccessful submissive if you don’t hit subspace. You’re not a failure as a Top if you consider your bottom’s feelings and needs during play. A lot of Doms are not harsh, heartless, cruel, mommy-issue-ridden abusive, narcissistic fucks. Some of them are Daddy Doms who enjoy caring for their submissive. Some are sadistic, evil fucks who might gleefully put a submissive into tears of pain, but who would never dream of violating a hard limit and would feel horrible if something “bad” happened to the submissive under their care.

 

REAL Dominants thrive on learning, have open minds, and are never afraid to admit they’ve screwed up or don’t know how to do something.

 

REAL Dominants never forget that the people in their care, who are trusting them, are also people, too.

 

REAL Dominants never put principles over people in their care.

 

You can be whatever you want to be in the lifestyle. You can define your play however you want it to happen. There is no right or wrong as long as you don’t screw up any of the three “rules.”

 

Don’t sweat it, in other words.

 

So go forth and play in joy and fun. And forget the “won twue way” fucks who tell you you’re doing it wrong.

 

–Tymber Dalton. (writer, BDSM switch, collared slave)

 

While I’m bigging up Tymber, she has an excellent resource book for writers.

tymber's book

Click on the cover to find out more

Another resource book that both Hubby/Sir and I found very helpful when we first embarked on our own kinky journey is this one.

 

screw the roses

Click on the cover to find out more

There is also a wealth of information to be found online.

These websites are all helpful:

General BDSM Websites:

FetLife.com: http://fetlife.com

Leather and Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/

BDSM Unveiled:

http://bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/?zx=f238ea15179ed2d4#axzz2KGMQaPDL

BDSM Glossaries:  http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/playtime/bdsm-basics/bdsm-glossary/

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM

http://www.differentequals.com/glossary.html

 

Now that I’ve blown your mind with that entire information overload, lol, I shall leave you to digest that for a bit.

This is the first in a series of posts by yours truly on BDSM, so I hope you’ll check in again next week.

Before I slink off, let me state here that I’m by no means an expert, and I would never claim to be. There are so many facets to this lifestyle, no one can possibly call themselves an expert on the entire lifestyle, and if they do…. RUN, run fast and don’t look back.

No, seriously, do. There are those who will claim there is only one true way to live the lifestyle. Yeah, whateva…

I refer you to exhibit A ^^^ the True rules of BDSM.

Nuff said.

Do stay naughty, folks.

D xxx

 

Hello and Tuesday Ramblings from Doris (@mamaD8)

Hello beautiful - vector lettering with hand drawn heart. Calligraphy phrase for gift cards, baby birthday, scrapbooking. Typography art.

Hello everyone and welcome to our first post. I feel all kinds of honoured to be kicking off the Naughty Quills blog.  When I was asked if I wanted to participate in this blog, I jumped at the chance. After all, Evernight was the first publisher to take a chance on an unknown author, when they published my Debut Novel Lure of the Blood back in November 2011.

What a momentous occasion that was. I had no clue what I was doing, and everything I’ve learnt since then has been trial and error, with bits of wisdom passed on by my fellow authors. Four and a half years and sixty two releases later (phew), I know a little bit more.

So, here at Naughty Quills, we thought it would be a good idea to pool our resources and to let all you aspiring, new and seasoned authors, for that matter—after all, you can always learn something new, right?—know what worked for us, what didn’t etc.

Hopefully, we’ll keep you entertained along the way 🙂

 

So, I hear you ask, who is this strange bird, called Doris, and why should we listen to her?

Doris O'Connor Image

Well, for starters, you don’t have to listen at all. I do tend to ramble and go off on a tangent, especially when I’m ranting. Something I’m quite fond of, and do frequently, so you have been warned. It’s the German in me, I’m afraid. I tend to say what I think. So, what you see is very much what you get with me. I can’t be doing with nonsense, and will not shy away from saying the truth, which doesn’t always make me popular, but hey… sometimes the truth hurts, right?

Now, before you all run away screaming in fear, I’m really quite easy to get along, usually.

*stop sniggering in that corner*

No, really, I am. If you met me in person, I’d be the quiet one in the corner. 🙂 And believe it or not, I do tend to keep my opinions to myself, for the most part. Of course, if you ask me what I think, I will tell you exactly what I think.

*snort*

Still, you need a thick skin in this publishing business, that’s for sure, though why you do, is a topic for another post.

For now, let me just say hi. I’m looking forward to posting and seeing what my fellow quills come up with.

Let me fill you in on what I write, which could take a while, as I have a very unpredictable and downright dirty muse. Believe it or not, I never set out to be an erotic author, but from the very first manuscript I penned with several awkward sex scenes, my characters seemed utterly incapable of keeping their hands off each other, or doing as they’re told, for that matter. I very quickly realized that I was a panster, and thus at the mercy of these ornery characters of mine.

I write Dominant alpha heroes with sassy heroines who give them a run for their money. My heroines might be submissive in the bedroom, but they certainly know to assert themselves in every other area of their life. Hubby/Sir would say they all remind him of me, lol. To be fair parts of my very own Lord and Master, or Domly type, as he’s known when I’m snarky, is in every one of the heroes that I write, especially when they growl… I do like a man who growls… much to the amusement of my editor at Evernight, who is convinced that I only write shifters so that she can’t pull me up on the amount of growling which goes on…

Brown bear hello

I shall neither confirm nor deny this allegation. Suffice to say, my non shifting heroes tend to growl, grumble etc.…

*whistles innocently*

As you may have gathered from the above, I write contemporary and paranormal BDSM, as well as Sci-Fi, time travel, ménage (mmf, mfm), MM and FF occasionally. See, I told you, my muse is unpredictable, and I never know what she will throw at me next. I like to think it keeps my writing fresh, and so far readers seem to agree, which is just as well, because I couldn’t write any other way.

When I’m not writing, I look after our brood of nine, ranging in age from 25 down to 4. Two of the older ones have flown the nest, though return regularly with their respective partners in tow, which is always lovely, even it makes the house even more chaotic than usual. We also have a cat, who thinks she own us, and an adorably goofy German Shepherd Cross, who is scared of his own shadow, and likely to lick you to death when he sees you. Once he’s barked at you, just to make sure you know what a big guy he is, and to put his foot down, you understand.

As you can gather there is never a dull moment in this house. Sometimes I think we lurch from one drama to the next. Well we do have four (!) teenage girls in the house right now, as well as two boisterous little boys, who seem utterly incapable of sitting still, or agreeing on anything, apart from when they announce that they’re hungry…. Again… five seconds after they’ve eaten….

*head desk*

Hubby/Sir and I have been together for twenty eight years, married for twenty six, and in a Dom/sub relationship for the last five, when we finally officially embraced our kinky sides, if you like.

So, that’s me in a nutshell, or rather a long rambling post, that I hope hasn’t sent you off to sleep.

 

Till next time, folks. Do stay naughty.

D xxx