How to Write a Book: A Cynical Report of a Writer’s Day #HumpdayHangout with @JulesofTripleR

How to Write a Book: A Cynical Report a Writer’s Day

  1. Come down stairs from a glorious 9 hours of sleep, wearing your fuzzy socks and a favorite sweatshirt that’s so time loved that it has holes, but you don’t care, you love it cause it says comfy and artistic. Kind of Flashdance in a sexy writerly way. Kind of… giphy-12
  2. Pick out your choice of morning pick-me-up drink. What’s your poison? Coffee? Tea? Soda?
  3. Stand staring at the choice of brewing mechanism for at least ten minutes thinking about what drink your leading lady in your story might be drinking.
  4. Grab cup to head to office, step in cat vomit on hallway rug on way to office landing.
  5. Hop around to keep the disgusting cat food hummus from spreading. Imagine writing this into a book and if it would be humorous. But it’s NOT funny.giphy-5
  6. Spill morning drink on the rug, decide to wash rug.
  7. Take outside and shake off the chunks of vomit, small piece flies back at you and you do a move from the Matrix to avoid the flying debris.giphy-13
  8. Start washing machine and throw in extra pod of washing liquid and sock just cause…vomit.
  9. Remember it’s Monday when you hear the garbage truck somewhere in the neighborhood.
  10. Run to the front windows in your PJ’s to see if other half set out garbage cans.
  11. Curse name of other half when you see it hasn’t been done.
  12. Like a hurricane, get the garbage from every room while hearing the truck 5…4…3…2…1 houses away.
  13. Run to garage in one sock, open garage door, run back inside to grab the six garbage bags you forgot.
  14. Stuff all into the small container that the city allows and run to the curb while the truck shows up with two very cute young men who watch your boobs flop in circular motions and possibly get view of a nip slip through the holey sweatshirt.
  15. Pull the recycling out of the garage, slip on the pile of sand you swept up and fall to your ass as the guy on the back of the garbage truck waves to you. Think of writing the scene into a book.
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  16. Regain your composure and dignity, whatever is left of it, place recycling on corner and return empty trash receptacle to the garage.
  17. Sweep the sand into another pile, vowing to remember to bring the dustpan out to get rid of the pile.
  18. Return inside, wash hands, realize the dishwasher needs to be unloaded.
  19. Open dishwasher, hear the washing machine ding—rug is finished.
  20. Abandon dishwasher to throw rug into dryer.
  21. See your cup of coffee/tea/soda in the entryway, pick it up, take drink. It’s now undrinkable cause it’s cold or hot depending on what it was to start with.giphy-14
  22. Start new cup of whatever you wish…maybe even breakfast by this time.
  23. Unload dishwasher, wipe down counters, and sweep floor while thinking about what you want to write that day.
  24. Grab drink or food, hear the doorbell ring. Set it back down.
  25. It’s your neighbor with your recycling container that has now blown paper and plastic products all over the block.
  26. Apologize and vow to go clean it up.
  27. Decide to get dressed for the day.
  28. Go to bedroom, remember you haven’t showered in three days.
  29. Take shower and get all dolled up. For what you don’t have a clue, but better to look hot while you’re picking up trash, right? giphy-7
  30. Grab recycling bin from front porch.
  31. Head outside and instantly get burst of wind that lifts your skirt and you do a Marilyn Monroe impression in front of the new neighbor and his dog. The dog seems amused, the neighbor not so much.
  32. Pick up your scattered recycling, stopping to talk to every neighbor that comes out of their house to say “Good that someone’s picking it up.” But never offer to join you.
  33. Return home, place recycling back in the garage cause the recycling truck drove by you when you were a block and a half away, with a wicked smile on the driver’s face. Sucker.
  34. Wash hands. Again.
  35. Walk into the office, see plant needs to be watered.
  36. Get glass of water and nourish the plant.
  37. Phone rings. Daughter’s car has broken down and she has to be to work in 30 minutes.
  38. Frantically drive halfway across the city for her to text you. “False alarm, I just didn’t have the car in park.”                             giphy-8
  39. Wonder how the hell she didn’t have it in “park” and think about writing it into a story.
  40. Stop off for Starbucks cause by now whatever you made at home has been licked by a cat.
  41. Decide to grab a little something to eat. Wait in drive-thru line for 30 minutes.
  42. Head home, eating the Runza fries all the way.
  43. Take a deep breath when you open the garage door and see that your husband’s car is there. He’s working from home. Never a good thing.
  44. Head inside, he’s on the sofa and all he says is “flu.”
  45. You get him settled into bed and then reheat your runza (if you don’t know what this gift from the Gods is…here…RUNZA! )
  46. Head into office. Put on headphones. Realize you forgot your drink.
  47. Get back up, head into kitchen, grab drink.
  48. Sit down at desk again. Hear hubby call. Needs more meds.
  49. Take meds and wonder if you’d get more writing done in prison and what offense wouldn’t be that hard to commit and you wouldn’t feel that bad about. Realize there isn’t one–think about writing it into your story, but write it into a blog post instead.
  50. Sit down at the computer, open Word and…sigh.
  51. Return to bedroom, slip into the outfit you were wearing at the beginning of the day to be comfortable.
  52. Start back at #1 and begin writing.
  53. Yeah…right.
    giphy-9

 

So there you have it. Only 53 steps to finally get to writing.

I know what you’re saying. Well, that’s just not a typical day. You know you’re right. Not every day is like this…there are ones that are worse. Much. Much. Worse. 😉

Love to all! ❤ Jules

But…happy HUMP day all the same!

 

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12 thoughts on “How to Write a Book: A Cynical Report of a Writer’s Day #HumpdayHangout with @JulesofTripleR

    • Had to look up PMSL! Thank you! Yeah, with grown kids it’s actually better…but not by much. Swear hubby has reverted to being a child, some days. 😉

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  1. Don’t forget the non-stop chattering at GilmoreSpeed when the children come home and be expected to remember everything and hear everything even if they are in another room, there’s water running, and the furnace kicks in. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I remember those days. My favorite was when they were in the bathroom and tried to tell me something important while flushing the toilet–I really think it was a diversionary tactic/coverup strategy. 😉 Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m in my Gifs phase of living. I Gif everything. Gif, Gif, Gif. You of all people should know this. 😉
      ❤ Jules

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