Moira here welcoming you back to another #SensualSunday. It’s been a wild week, weather wise, here in my part of the country. First we were roasting and breaking records, and now we’re freezing our …butts… off with drizzly, chilly, breezy grey, no sunny, no grey weather, and sunny again, oops! spoke too soon. Oh Mother Nature, please take your mood stabilizers already! Enough about that though, on to today’s topic.
How to disagree with friends whilst not making new enemies.
We’ve all had discussions with friends, in person or online, that have basically turned into arguments having nothing to do with the original topic. It’s a fact of life. But this doesn’t mean that you have to let it ruin a friendship just because you both have differing points of view.
We’re human, we’re born to be individuals which means that we each come with our own learned and ingrained opinions on many topics. While we can’t all know everything about everything there is -and those who think they do should never be allowed on social media- we can all have our own opinions about any topic we feel strongly about.
In the author world we are all strong individuals, one has to be when you are taking on something as huge as putting out your book, a piece of who you are, among the hundreds of thousands already out there. It takes a certain individual to stand up the various levels of criticism from publishers, editors, readers, other authors, and then the reviewers. Honestly it’s enough to make the sane people question why, oh WHY do we do this to ourselves. It actually helps if your mildly crazy, but only mildly. Being this strong individual therefore means we are also, but not exclusively, opinionated folks. Some more than others naturally, except in a rare case where we can all rise up together as a united front. Those moments are pretty fucking awesome.
- Valid points – don’t bring something to the conversation that has no bearing on it, like that time eight years ago…
- Sound logic and information – rumors and the like will only cloud the matter.
- Keep things civil, and do not lose your cool. Words said in anger can’t be taken back.
- Be honest and be yourself. There’s nothing like lies and half truths to cloud the matter, don’t do it.
- Always, always respect the other persons right to their belief(s) and respect their viewpoint. They feel strongly about it for a reason so make sure you’re paying attention.
- Which brings us to: Listening. Truly listen to what the other person has to say, ask questions if you’re unclear on anything, and then voice your own opinion or viewpoint on said matter.
If you can’t do all of this then you shouldn’t be involved in the conversation. Like I pointed out in my post from last week there are do’s and don’t’s for social media that also translate into real life. Don’t say anything you will regret. While apologies are nice, and great and all, they do not fix everything. Fact of life for you right there.
While it may end up as a stale mate as long as there is give and take, back and forth, and nobody get’s into throwing curses around then you should come out the other side just fine. We can’t agree on all things all the time, it’s mathematically impossible. Know that sometimes you’ll just have to agree to disagree. It’s good for you to realize that you can’t be right all the time, and that sometimes, just sometimes there is no easy answer to anything in this world.
Final point to this post. If you’re going into a tough conversation with a friend it might help to have a non-biased third party to mediate. This doesn’t always work, but it is a thought. Now get out there and have a fantastic Sunday.
XO Moira Callahan