He Put What Where???

Ravennas Monday MumblingsWelcome to Ravenna’s Monday Mumblings!!

Today I’d like to talk about sex. 

Now that I have your attention…

I’d like to talk about the ins and outs, the tricks and tips, and a few necessary precautions when writing sex scenes.

For those who don’t know, I’m a registered nurse. And as an RN, there are times I cringe when reading about certain practices in sex scenes. My mind is screaming SOFT TISSUE INJURY! Or YEAST INFECTION! Or even SHE’D BE BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK PIG BY NOW!! Gross. I know. But also REALITY.

Yes, we write and read fiction to escape, but we also have a duty to make sure we aren’t misrepresenting those DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME moments. Not to mention the times we write something so over the top that we pull the reader out of the story. No one wants to do that.

contortedThe Contortionist

We’ve all read those scenes. We may have written a few. The human body can only bend in so many ways, even during sex. In fact, writing a scene where it bends in improbable or impossible ways during sex is even worse because there’s all that thrusting going on. Someone is going to break something, pull a muscle, or dislocate a joint. OUCH. Sexiness… GONE.

If you have trouble figuring out whether what you want to write would actually work with human beings, buy a pair of cheap 9 inch dolls with knees, elbows, and wrists that bend. Use them to simulate what you’re trying to write, and then imagine what it would feel like if YOU were the man or the woman.

Better yet, grab that adventurous SO or friend with benefits and act it out. For research purposes, of course.

Bottom line, make sure real people can actually bend that way and hold that position while moving. Otherwise your sex scene just turned into a circus act, or worse, a cartoon.

Slippery When WetDryness…it’s not just for deserts

The annoying truth is that even women who are not pre-menopausal or menopausal can and do experience vaginal dryness. And after menopause, forget it, honey. You ain’t coming near me with so much as a finger unless I see a bottle of lube first.

You don’t have to draw out a long medical discussion between your hero and heroine, but at least make him aware of the fact that she might not always be dripping wet and ready for him to shove his dick in there. And be aware that even if she is and he does, it still might hurt. Kinda hard (pun intended!) to be lost in the moment when your hoo-ha is burning with pain.

Those are VERY sensitive tissues in there. As in, you know that awful feeling when you burn the inside of your mouth and it hurts for like a week? THAT kind of sensitivity. Tiny abrasions can occur that may lead to bleeding, scarring, and in turn MORE pain the next time you try to put something in there. Even with natural lube or the stuff from a bottle. Bottom line: BE CAREFUL IN THERE.

Lube isn’t just for anal. It can be used anywhere on or in the body, including the vagina. And it can make a sex scene slippery and FUN. Experiment at home, even if you have to do it yourself. Try different lubes. There are tons of them out there. See how they can make things more pleasurable, and then incorporate that into your next sex scene. Your readers and their dry vaginas will thank you.


Seriously. The things I’ve read that authors do to torture virgins is beyond ridiculous. Do you remember your first time? Unless the dude had the smallest dick on record, it fucking HURT. It was also awkward and uncomfortable.

Have a heart. Don’t write your hero shoving three fingers into her hoo-ha the first time anything but a tampon goes in there. And for heaven’s sake, have him take his time and encourage her. This is a big moment in her life, and in his. Use common sense.

see-this-stick-it-goes-up-your-ass.jpgUp The Ass

Personally, I don’t know too many women in real life who enjoy anal half as much as most heroines in romance novels do. For one thing, it takes a lot of patience and prep work to get that passage ready for something it was NOT designed for. It’s an exit-only door. I mean let’s face it. That’s why it’s there.

Not saying you can’t put something larger than a finger in there and still have fun, but you need to understand a few simple facts first.

ATM – or Ass To Mouth – is best left to the porn films. In reality, practicing this can and will lead to nasty infections that will make one very, very ill and require medical care to cure. The anus is filled with bacteria, and not the good kind. There’s a reason for that. It’s a waste repository. Your poop comes out of there. Would you eat your poop? Enough said.

I’m not going to go into a long discussion on enemas and other ways of cleansing it beforehand. If you write that, feel free to blog about it. This is a basic discussion of anal sex scenes and what you might want to keep in mind as you write them.

lube-white-lightning-wet-rideThe dude really, REALLY should use a condom unless he wants to risk a very nasty urinary tract or yeast infection. Yes, men can get them, too. Remember what he’s putting in there. His penis, which has an opening that leads straight to his bladder. The same way women can get UTIs if they’re not careful how they wipe, men can get them if their penis head comes in contact with that poop (or residue) in your butthole.

And lube. LOTS and LOTS of lube. And prep work. Stretch those walls first! The muscles need time to relax before accommodating something as large as a penis. And for the anus, a penis IS large. Even if you’re used to anal, it still might hurt. Remember those sensitive tissues we talked about? Same thing applies to this orifice.

Yes, I know. I’ve just ruined your entire writing day. I’m evil like that. But seriously, keeping a few things in mind as you write your sex scenes will give them a realistic quality that in turn will make your characters more human to your readers. They will better relate to them. And that, of course, is what we want.

gazing down at her lyingUntil next week, happy writing!

8 thoughts on “He Put What Where???

  1. Some great tips in there, Ravenna. However, being devil’s advocate here, some of us don’t need lube for anal, just saying 😛

    *ducks the flying shoe*

    However, I don’t think I’ve ever written one without it, lol, and yes the condoms. It does pull me out of the story a tad, when it’s contemporay and it’s not even mentioned. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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