How to write BDSM #TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@MamaD8)

Happy Tuesday, peeps. Are you ready for some serious Tuesday Thoughts? Yep, cause this is a serious subject and as a collared submissive myself, a subject very dear to my heart.

 

Couple domination and sex games

Mainly the amount of so called BDSM books out there, which are anything but.

At best they are so farfetched, that you just have to laugh at them. At their worst, they seem to tick all the boxes and then end up doing something far from safe sane and consensual as you can get.

My editor at Evernight always comments on my BDSM stories along the lines of, “At last… I never read anyone making that distinction…”

While those comments make me grin, they also make me sad.

It is not that hard to get it right, it really isn’t. You don’t have to be in the lifestyle to write it, but you DO need to do your research. And do the correct kind of research. Ask someone who is actually in the lifestyle to beta read your work.

Leave your ego at the door, and take their advice, and for goodness sakes, if you’re going to write BDSM, then do it, because you’re at least curious about it. Not, because you’ve heard it sells, and you want to jump on that particular band wagon.

Yes, believe me, there are authors out there, who have done just that.

*shakes head*

Having got that little rant of my chest, lol, let’s get to the nitty gritty of it. I’m going to start with the basics, and I’m shamelessly nicking this off Tymber Dalton, as it sums it up beautifully.

Ready?

Okay, because there is a LOT of bad advice out there, I’m giving you the “TRUE” rules for BDSM… ready?

 

Safety Note: By “rules” I’m not talking safety issues (bio-hazard precautions for needle play, safety issues for fire/wax play, strangulation/drop hazards for suspension play, no handcuffs for suspension, where/how to use implements as not to cause serious injury, etc.).

 

Rule One: Everyone involved in the play MUST be a CONSENTING adult. If their consent withdraws during play, play STOPS.

 

Rule Two: No one must be HARMED (physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally) by the play. (Hurt and harmed are two different things. They might WANT to be hurt. Harmed is lasting damage beyond the play.)

 

Rule Three: Everyone must either be having fun and/or getting what they need from the play.

 

 

That’s IT. That’s ALL there is to it. Seriously.

 

If anyone tells you you’re doing something “wrong” and it’s not a safety issue, tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re not an unsuccessful submissive if you don’t hit subspace. You’re not a failure as a Top if you consider your bottom’s feelings and needs during play. A lot of Doms are not harsh, heartless, cruel, mommy-issue-ridden abusive, narcissistic fucks. Some of them are Daddy Doms who enjoy caring for their submissive. Some are sadistic, evil fucks who might gleefully put a submissive into tears of pain, but who would never dream of violating a hard limit and would feel horrible if something “bad” happened to the submissive under their care.

 

REAL Dominants thrive on learning, have open minds, and are never afraid to admit they’ve screwed up or don’t know how to do something.

 

REAL Dominants never forget that the people in their care, who are trusting them, are also people, too.

 

REAL Dominants never put principles over people in their care.

 

You can be whatever you want to be in the lifestyle. You can define your play however you want it to happen. There is no right or wrong as long as you don’t screw up any of the three “rules.”

 

Don’t sweat it, in other words.

 

So go forth and play in joy and fun. And forget the “won twue way” fucks who tell you you’re doing it wrong.

 

–Tymber Dalton. (writer, BDSM switch, collared slave)

 

While I’m bigging up Tymber, she has an excellent resource book for writers.

tymber's book

Click on the cover to find out more

Another resource book that both Hubby/Sir and I found very helpful when we first embarked on our own kinky journey is this one.

 

screw the roses

Click on the cover to find out more

There is also a wealth of information to be found online.

These websites are all helpful:

General BDSM Websites:

FetLife.com: http://fetlife.com

Leather and Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/

BDSM Unveiled:

http://bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/?zx=f238ea15179ed2d4#axzz2KGMQaPDL

BDSM Glossaries:  http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/playtime/bdsm-basics/bdsm-glossary/

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM

http://www.differentequals.com/glossary.html

 

Now that I’ve blown your mind with that entire information overload, lol, I shall leave you to digest that for a bit.

This is the first in a series of posts by yours truly on BDSM, so I hope you’ll check in again next week.

Before I slink off, let me state here that I’m by no means an expert, and I would never claim to be. There are so many facets to this lifestyle, no one can possibly call themselves an expert on the entire lifestyle, and if they do…. RUN, run fast and don’t look back.

No, seriously, do. There are those who will claim there is only one true way to live the lifestyle. Yeah, whateva…

I refer you to exhibit A ^^^ the True rules of BDSM.

Nuff said.

Do stay naughty, folks.

D xxx

 

23 thoughts on “How to write BDSM #TuesdayThoughts with Doris (@MamaD8)

  1. Yes, thank you so much for putting into words, things I’ve been thinking for years. As a fellow submissive I find my self appalled by some of the books that are written by authors, who are blatantly not educated on the subject. Despite being a sub I do not write BDSM (yet), but I do read it sometimes, and often find my self shaking my head thinking where did these people do their research?

    Liked by 2 people

      • Rants are necessary sometimes Lol. I’m sure the amount of bad BDSM books had got worse since ’50 shades of shit’ (cough) sorry, grey… Has come out. Everyone is clambering to get the band wagon without bothering to understand the subject they are writing about.

        Liked by 5 people

  2. me again… I don’t pretend to be an expert, anything but. It’s a steep, but fantastic learning curve, all of it, and as far as i can tell it never stops. One thing though, I do my best to understand everything I write about which is why my subs are often full of questions and what ifs… I guess. Oh and arsy!
    And I’ll never be afraid to ask if I don’t know something… because someone I know out there will, and they’d rather writers get it correct…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well said, Doris! 😀 I have Tymber’s book as well although my learning began over on Fetlife. There sure is a wealth of information out there. So helpful once you start to pull that string and figure yourself out!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A great post, D. There are lot of books that shouldn’t be labelled BDSM in the same way lot of books shouldn’t be labelled romance. But hey, if it’s labelled as fiction, then I take anything inside it as fantasy and the output of the author’s imagination anyway. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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